The headline in question, "Polanski's past suffering entitles him to sympathetic treatment," initially had me using language I won't repeat here.
I'm a survivor of abuse and violence. I also believe it is important to take responsibility for my triggers, my reactions, and the impact I have on others.
Polanski survived the Holocaust. He lost his wife and unborn child to one of the most horrific mass murders in US history. No one reading this post, and certainly not it's author, can begin to imagine the horror that has taken place in Roman Polanski's head and heart.
But when it comes to raping a 13-year-old-child, I don't give a damn what he suffered. I do care that he chose to act his pain out in a way that would permanently mark, and possibly scar, a child for life.
Then I read the article. Ah, humble pie.
"Do we measure such a horrific history against his later crime of sexual abuse? We cannot measure one against the other any more than we can juxtapose art as licence or abuse as excuse. Being abused can confuse the victim's moral boundaries. Polanski's offence is not nullified by his own immense suffering. Nor is his crime pardonable through his brilliant and sensitive art.
But his suffering, his life and his art send us a message. Violence and abuse create violence and abuse."
The rest of the article, by a Psychologist practicing in Melbourne, Australia, brings forward ideas that I believe as well: retribution does not bring healing. Revenge begets emptiness at best, but usually all it gives us is more revenge. Not all victims become perpetrators, but all too many perpetrators were once victims.
As trauma survivors, how do we balance the demands of personal responsibility against the damage done to us as former and/or current victims? How do we judge the actions of others who have also been victimized?
For example, I learned nothing of empathy until at least my 30's, and my "trauma mind" still regards issues like health care insurance reform as a very real battle of good vs. evil. I know how hard I continue to struggle to fit in to a society I don't always understand, and still frequently regard as a hostile place from which the next bad thing will attack at any moment.
How dare I condemn Roman Polanski, or third-world terrorists, or any other victim who perpetuates the cycle of violence because that is all they know?
At the same time, how do we as a society, and as individuals, walk the wide crack between sympathy for a damaged perpetrator and preventing the "creation" of more victims?
Like I said, "humble pie." Because while my knee-jerk reaction was viscerally satisfying (and gave me a wonderful opportunity to feel morally superior to another trauma survivor; one with money and fame, no less) the fact is that our society already reacts, over and over and over again, with both knees jerking rabidly.
And we all know how much good those reactions aren't doing any of us.
Posts
Rape in any form is one of the worse crimes there is, and rape of a child is the worse of
ReplyDeletethe worse. If I were a woman, I would become
an expert in the marial arts, which I believe should be offered in all schools.
I was physically abused by my mother, along with mild sexual abuse (no touching) from the age of 10 months to about 8 yrs. I had so much rage against my mother, and was so out of touch with my feelings, that I acted out in public to embarrass her and hurt her. I became a flasher and suceeded in causing pain to my family. It became an addiction which I could not stop and I live in my own private hell of shame & guilt. I could tell no one. My parents were advised to send me to a private military school but they refused. I was sent to a phychatrist and learned much but nothing changed in my behavior. I remained totally isolated in the prison of my mind. I believe that the thing that finally saved me was my refusal to give up on myself.
As an adult I sought healing & therapy in many different forms - books, workshops, private therapists, and groups. Finally, in my 40's, I read a book called, "Out of the Shadows", by Patrick Carnes, and finally had to accept that I was an addict. This started me on the road to real recovery. I learned to express my rage in a controled envirnment, and to let go of blaming my mother. I forgave her, although the process took several years.
Eventually I discovered HAI and that brought more healing. I became a therapist, helping victims and perpetrators alike. I even learned to appreciate my past because of all that I learned about myself and others.
Did some Higher part of myself set this up?
I don't know. Could be.
Congratulations on your healing journey, and for having the courage to turn your hardships into a positive force in the lives of your clients.
ReplyDeleteForgiveness is a demanding skill to learn and use. To my mind, it is also the only way to break the cycle of abuse and violence. The trick is how to balance forgiveness and support of victim-perpetrators with prevention so no further lives are damaged.
I have no idea how to change our system to do this efficiently. But it's also clear to me that the current system does far more to perpetuate the cycle than to stop it.